So You're Dating A Superhero
by TheBeardedOne
Summary: A short collection of rules about how to enjoy life with your Hero, written by Raven Kent nee Darkholme. (Part of the Institute Saga universe)
1. Foreword

**So You're Dating A Superhero…**

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Foreword By Raven Kent

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Dating a superhero is not the easy life that many people think. It comes with its own challenges, its own threats and, hopefully, many new rewards.

Normal relationships may be fraught with drama and strife, having a relationship with a Superhero can be even moreso.

I was lucky in that I landed Clark Kent.

Trust me when I say that he is indeed a _Super_man and I thank all the deities that exist that he loves me as much as I love him.

But enough about me. What about you?

If you are dating a Superhero, then there are several rules that need to be followed. I will expand on these rules and the reasoning behind them, but they are rules that _must_ be followed if you are to have a chance at settling down (and living long enough to do so).

Here, in no particular order, are the rules.

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1 – If he keeps his civilian identity secret, do _not_ tell anyone you are dating a Superhero.

2 – Saving the city/world _does_ take priority over the romantic meal that you had been planning for months.

3 – Prepare for long, bedside vigils.

4 – Take up martial arts.

5 – Pay attention to his stories about the supervillains that he fights.

6 – Do not feel jealous about the female team-mates he has.

7 – If he tells you to run, _RUN_!

8 – Work out alibis with him ahead of time.

9 – Don't be demanding when he returns from a mission.

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In general, you must remember that being a Superhero doesn't pay well. If your Superhero boyfriend (or girlfriend, I'm rather open minded on that score) is a member of a Superhero team, be prepared to see a blizzard of promotional material such as posters, action figures, cartoons, games and so on, some of which may seem rather embarrasing in hindsight.

However, only a _small_ portion of the profits makes its way to the one the action figures (etc) are based on. Superheroes in teams generally have enough money for a comfortable home, but not anywhere near enough for a penthouse flat or similar. Many actually choose to room at their headquarters, in which case you may want to brush up on your cooking skills or find other ways to make yourself useful.

Secretarial, accountancy or medical skills are always useful and will endear you to the team in question.

Superhero humour tends to be somewhat less refined than many people expect. This is because the path of a Superhero is one fraught with danger and peril. Many Superheroes are borderline adrenaline junkies, whether they admit it or not.

I have yet to meet a Superhero who _doesn't_ enjoy roller-coasters, for example.

The near-constant peril they face and the danger they find themselves in can wear away at them, so many use humour to cope. Some of them (like Spider-man) actually use their humour as part of their fighting style, dodging enemy attacks while flinging witty repartee back at the increasingly-irritated villain. Others relax by pranking (I'm looking at _you_, Iron Man), science (Banner), art (Colossus) or other hobbies.

Do _not_ mock them for their hobbies. It is almost literally a matter of life and death for them as it lets them release the tensions of fighting crime. Without their hobbies… well, you _really_ don't want to go there.

Although what I have written may worry you, I feel that in general, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Of course, I married Clark Kent, so I may be somewhat biased.

The following pages will explain the Rules listed earlier.

Read them carefully.

Trust me on that.

Raven Kent nee Darkholme.

Mystique

(Leader of the Brotherhood)


	2. Rules 1 - 3

**So You're Dating A Superhero…**

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The First Rule

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**If he keeps his civilian identity secret, do **_**not**_** tell anyone you are dating a Superhero.**

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Knowing that the person you are dating is a Superhero is perhaps one of the most incredible feelings you can have. However, it is knowledge that can, if you are clumsy with it, get you killed.

The urge to tell someone you trust that you are dating a Superhero is indeed quite intense. But you need to think about it.

You know you can trust the one you wish to tell, but can you trust everyone that _they_ know? What about all the people that know the people that know your friend?

All it takes is one wrong word in the wrong place and at best, you will find yourself in the center of a media firestorm. If you let your boyfriends secret identity slip then at best, you will find that he no longer trusts you as much as he did. It was a secret and you spilled it, so he will not let you learn any more of his secrets in case you do the same again.

At worst?

Well, you won't have to worry about going to family reunions again, although they will have to sort out your funeral, assuming that enough of you is recovered to allow you to be identified.

Your significant other is a Superhero, and Superheroes have enemies. Although most of them will abide by the unspoken compact of "_I will try to capture you without causing permanent harm or targeting your family and you will surrender when you know that you cannot escape and leave my family alone_", some think that they are above that.

These villains are the ones who will detonate a bomb in the basement of a tower block just to kill a single individual. They don't care about the people around them, they simply do whatever they want in the belief that they will escape the consequences of their actions.

The damage that they can do before they are stopped is quite terrifying.

In a very real sense, your life depends on you being able to keep that secret. This doesn't mean that you can't talk about it, only that you can only talk about it to others who already know.

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The Second Rule

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**Saving the city/world **_**does**_** take priority over the romantic meal that you had been planning for months.**

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It is almost depressing how many people do not understand this. Not only are Superheroes almost pathologically devoted to saving others, they often have a keener appreciation of the hierarchy of importance than non-Heroes.

Sure, you have been planning the meal for months and months, but if a Supervillain tries to release a mind-control virus or blackmails the city by threatening to detonate a series of bombs, your meal will have to wait.

On the most basic level, it is obvious. The Supervillain's actions are very likely to impact on your meal anyway, so it would be better for your boyfriend to deal with the threat as soon as possible rather than having you yourself ending up in the hospital or the morgue because he didn't take action when he could.

Meals can be replaced fairly easily.

Your health is a different matter. No meal is worth losing a limb for.

It is an unfortunate fact that your Superhero Boyfriend will be called away to save hundreds, if not thousands, at what you will consider _the_ most inconvenient times possible.

All I can say is… get used to it.

Although he loves you, he will not place your romantic wishes above the lives of hundreds of other people. You will have to learn to snatch the romantic moments as they appear.

A picnic in the park may be all that you can squeeze in between his missions, but that shouldn't mean that it is any less romantic, or be a sign that he cares any less for you. In fact, the very fact that he has taken time out to _have_ said picnic with you should be proof that he loves you.

Superheroes very rarely keep regular hours and thus planning nights out can become an exercise in futility. Many Superheroes therefore will switch to unplanned treats, sprung on you without warning both as an apology for their absence and to prove that they still love you.

Accept these in the spirit in which they were meant.

Occasionally, your plans will be fulfilled. Usually, this is because your boyfriends team-mates have taken pity on both him and you after several epic failures and thus they have re-arranged their watch schedules to cover for his absence. If that happens, then capitalise on it fully. Put aside any quarrels that you might have with him and instead concentrate on enjoying every minute of time that you have with him. Moments like that are rare and are thus even more precious.

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The Third Rule

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**Prepare for long, bedside vigils.**

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The path of a Superhero is one of the riskiest there is. Superheroes have to contend with things ranging from villains who don't know when to give up to natural (and unnatural) disasters. Every mission that a Superhero undertakes may be their last one, they never know when they are about to be ambushed or discover an secret organisation that is trying to kill them since they pose a threat to their plans (as Steve Rogers can attest to).

Fortunately, the actual mortality rate of heroes is rather low since many of the powers also include an increase in damage resistance, making them tougher than normal humans.

This does not mean that they won't get injured, though.

Even Kryptonians can be hurt and even killed under the wrong circumstances.

Quite a few heroes have emerged from battles in less-than-optimum condition, several requiring medical treatment.

It is a truly heartbreaking experience to be sat beside the bed of your loved one, looking at his damaged form and knowing that he is a pale shadow of what he once was.

And it is an experience that many who date Superheroes will undergo.

Although Superheroes tend to heal quicker than those without powers, they still have to spend time healing. Most Superheroes hate being confined to a bed, which is why many medical personnel have unofficially taken to keeping them tranquilised until they have healed enough that getting out of bed, however briefly, will not aggravate their injuries to the point where an urgent dash to the surgery theatre is all that stands between them and death.

Part of the vigil is therefore restraining said Superhero in order to ensure that he actually heals fully, rather than healing just enough, then getting taken down as his injuries are re-opened in combat.

Needless to say, this is often easier said than done.

One technique which usually works is the _Shoulder Snuggle_. For this, you need a bed slightly wider than normal. While the recovering hero is lying covered by the sheets, you curl up on the sheets by his side, with your head resting on his shoulder, and fall asleep while lightly hugging him (which also helps prevent you falling off). Being on the sheets rather than under them means you won't get tempted to get involved in any situations that might mentally scar any visitors for life. It also means that the hero will not try to escape since it might disturb your rest and he will either fall asleep himself (thus aiding recovery) or you will awake to find him gently caressing your hair (a relaxing activity for both you and him).

I must emphasize, though, that you should always check with the doctor before doing this. Resting your head on his broken collar bone is unlikely to help him relax, after all.


	3. Rules 4 - 6

**So You're Dating A Superhero…**

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The Fourth Rule

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**Take up martial arts.**

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There are many reasons for this.

The first is that, as you are romantically linked to a Superhero, this makes you a target for anyone who seeks to cause him mental anguish. Learning martial arts gives you a chance to turn things round and present him with hogtied villains when he returns from his patrol.

He will be most grateful for this.

The second reason is that it will help you develop more strength, stamina and flexibility. Since many heroes boast increased strength as a secondary power, this will help you survive with only minor bruising should he forget himself in the throes of passion.

It will also allow you to keep the throes of passion going for longer and in more exciting ways, resulting in a far more enjoyable experience for you both. You really don't want a _Wham, Bam, thank you ma'am_.

The third reason is that learning martial arts helps with your general fitness. Living with a Superhero can occasionally be rather exhausting and colapsing on the floor while gasping for air is probably not something you want to do too often.

Other reasons include increasing your social circle or getting to know the significant others of your boyfriend's team-mates better. Hitting the town after the lessons can be fun, there are few better bonding experiences than taking it in turns to demonstrate your skills on the idiotic mugger that tried to steal your purse.

The look on your Boyfriends face when he comes swooping in to save the day only to be presented with said mugger tied up and defeated can be very amusing as well.

Martial Arts can help you release the tensions that are caused by living with a Superhero. The self-discipline that it teaches will allow you to cope with the unexpected changes in plans and the semi0regular but unpredictable upheavals in life that you will undergo. The underlying principle of most martial arts is to control the things affecting you by controlling yourself first and formost. As such, I cannot recommend this course of action highly enough.

Besides, it'll keep you toned. If you don't have my special abilities, then this facet is not to be looked down upon.

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The Fifth Rule

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**Pay attention to his stories about the supervillains that he fights.**

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Sooner or later, you will encounter one of the supervillains that your boyfriend has fought. If you haven't paid any attention to his stories, you will be unable to find a way out of the situation.

Many supervillains have a weakness. Some need fire in order to use their powers, disable the flamethrower and they are suddenly bereft of their main abilities. Others have allergies you might be able to take advantage of, or have weaknesses you can capitalise on.

In addition to this, paying attention to his stories means that when he mentions one of his regular adversaries, you can drop a comment in that tells him that you are interested and paying attention. This will raise his levels of self-esteem at the proof that he is making a visible difference.

It's rather cute to see his face light up if you do it just right.

In addition to this, many Superheroes reflexively use past conflicts with Supervillains to refer to things. If he says that you are as good at planning as Victor von Doom then it is a compliment of the highest order. On the other hand, saying that you have hair like Sabretooth's is not anywhere near as nice.

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The Sixth Rule

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**Do not feel jealous about the female team-mates he has.**

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Superheroes and Superheroines often work closely together. They fight alongside each other, protect each other and know each other on a far more intimate level than anyone else could.

This does not mean that they will want to sleep together, though.

Going through the stresses and strains of a high-risk mission can expose every personality quirk and flaw. Team-mates know each others weaknesses because they rely on each other to defend them against those who can capitalise on those weaknesses. They learn every button that causes a reaction in their team-mates, often including ones that the team-mates themselves do not know about.

As a result of this, romance within a team is a great deal rarer than people assume.

Most teams come to regard themselves as something akin to family. There is the team leader (father), the team mom (not always female), the younger members tend to be the children…

As you can see, it is rare for them to think about each other in romantic terms. Especially since they know that if they have a lovers quarrel, it could shatter the team at exactly the wrong time, leaving them easy prey for their enemies.

Angsty super-teams may be good for drama on TV, but they are a disaster looking for a place to happen if they occur in real life.

You should therefore treat the female members of his team as if they are your (potential) sisters-in-law. Quite often, it is they who will be responsible for him returning to your side intact and (relatively) unscathed, so instead of jealousy, you should feel gratitude towards them.

You owe your happiness to them, after all.


	4. Rules 7 - 9

**So You're Dating A Superhero…**

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The Seventh Rule

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**If he tells you to run, **_**RUN**_**!**

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Trust me on this.

Your boyfriend will have been through many situations and will have developed at least _some_ ability to read a situation from a tactical viewpoint. If he tells you to run, it usually means that combat is imminent and if you remain nearby, it is quite likely that you will be injured or killed despite his best efforts to protect you.

Asking "Why?" or "What do you mean, run?" is most certainly not a good move.

You may hate to admit it, but sometimes the best thing that you can do is to get out of the way and let those able to do so handle the situation.

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The Eighth Rule

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**Work out alibis with him ahead of time.**

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This rule will save you from a great deal of trouble and possible embarrasment. If you know he is rescuing an airliner and reply that he is taking gliding lessons, you had better tell him what you said before he says something about going deep sea diving.

The differences between what you and he claim as a cover story can easily clue people in that there is something that you are trying to keep secret, although they will normally assume that you are cheating on him or vice versa.

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The Ninth Rule

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**Don't be demanding when he returns from a mission.**

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When he returns from a mission, chances are that he will have convinced himself that he has failed. Even if everyone else is in awe at how he managed to rescue a hundred people from a towering inferno, if even one person dies, he will feel as if he has proven himself unworthy of being a hero.

After a mission is generally when he is at his most vulnerable and needs reassurance and comfort. You need to let him know that you still love him as if the mission went wrong, he will be seeking any source of comfort that he can find.

If you try to make a demand of him at this point, you may as well simply walk out of the door and out of his life.

For many Superheroes, their loved ones are their anchors, the ones who remind them that _everyone_ is important. A Superhero can fly round the world in an instant, lift thousands of tons with one hand, hear a penny drop on the other side of the continent.

He will _need_ you.

It is your care and attention that will stop him from falling apart. You are his safety net, his voice of conscience, his mirror that shows him that he is not a failure like he thinks he is.

In a very real sense, you are the one responsible for keeping his heart and soul safe.

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So there you have the nine primary rules to keep in mind as you date your Superhero. They served me well and I hope that they serve you the same way as well.

I wish you the best of good fortune and may your happiness be as great as mine.

Raven Kent

Happily Married to Superman.

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_Author's Afternote: I'd meant this to be a one-shot, but it kind of grew enough that it wouldn't fit into the Side Stories very well. As such, I've posted it as a small story in its own right._

_I hope you enjoyed reading Mystique's advice._


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